May 4th 2009,

Looking back over the past few days, I am totally filled with uncertainty and dilemma deep within me. It had been 2 weeks exactly when we "officially" parted ways (where the unofficial date was 2 and a half months ago) and I thought things had been cool in me. I thought that we can be very casual but when I meet her, there was this tingling feeling inside of me bugging. I cannot stand staring into her eyes, and I also barely able to look at her for long. I can only snatch a glance at her perfect presence in front and beside of me. I was thrilled that we were able to catch up after what did happened between us. Seriously, these few days was very rewarding and excellent for me. I wanted to shout when we meet. I wanted to let her know that I really still care for her very much. I...Really wanted to tell her "I love you" and that she is so perfect. All those are from deep within my heart. What I want to do cannot be done as I know that it would hurt her and will push us further apart. Feeling is not everything. I must be rational and think about what's best for both of us. I know now is still not the time for us to proceed beyond friend (actually, I am very grateful that we can dine and chat and joke and laugh together). I know that she is not ready to accept the me now and I will work my way to be the me that is the guy for her. I can only stare from afar the beauty in her that took away part of my heart while leaving behind some clues for me to search back that piece of heart of mine. Hope that I can decipher the clues and bring happiness to her no matter in what way.

P.S: I love you.