May 4th 2009,

Looking back over the past few days, I am totally filled with uncertainty and dilemma deep within me. It had been 2 weeks exactly when we "officially" parted ways (where the unofficial date was 2 and a half months ago) and I thought things had been cool in me. I thought that we can be very casual but when I meet her, there was this tingling feeling inside of me bugging. I cannot stand staring into her eyes, and I also barely able to look at her for long. I can only snatch a glance at her perfect presence in front and beside of me. I was thrilled that we were able to catch up after what did happened between us. Seriously, these few days was very rewarding and excellent for me. I wanted to shout when we meet. I wanted to let her know that I really still care for her very much. I...Really wanted to tell her "I love you" and that she is so perfect. All those are from deep within my heart. What I want to do cannot be done as I know that it would hurt her and will push us further apart. Feeling is not everything. I must be rational and think about what's best for both of us. I know now is still not the time for us to proceed beyond friend (actually, I am very grateful that we can dine and chat and joke and laugh together). I know that she is not ready to accept the me now and I will work my way to be the me that is the guy for her. I can only stare from afar the beauty in her that took away part of my heart while leaving behind some clues for me to search back that piece of heart of mine. Hope that I can decipher the clues and bring happiness to her no matter in what way.

P.S: I love you.

The worst way to miss her is to be sitting beside her knowing that we can't be together.

Life has not been bad to me all these while. And I still think that it's still all good for me over the time and hopefully the future. I had been down under the dumps for quite some time when I lost the love of my life. When we can't talk and laugh every time we meet, it truly hurts from deep within me. I know that it would be the same for her as well. Now that we can sit together and chit chat as friend and laugh I felt very glad that it's good that we are moving forward leaving the past behind, slowly. I cared for her very much and I cared for her feeling even more, that's why I dared not show what I feel every time when we meet. She had burrowed deep into my heart and it's almost impossible to dig it out. I really regret that we had to reach this situation after all that we had been through. I am so very sorry that I did not show my love for you in the correct manner. When we part ways, I thought that I can really let go of my love and start over anew, but loving you is like breathing, how could I stop? I will strive to start over anew and hope that I can once again be the man of your heart.

I really hoped and prayed that this day would come where we held hands and walk the life long journey together until we part ways with each other and this world altogether.