Dear oh Dear....

I want to say that you need not be here,
I will come to you, just stay there,
I'm sure you know that I'm always bare,
You see right through me with just a stare.

Why can't I shook off your stare,
While I know that we will not be there,
No matter how hard I avoid to stare,
I end up in despair.

You are my dearest dear,
I hope that the time is here,
For us to just adhere,
And think of nothing else but just us dear.

Dear oh dear,
There is such a fear,
That I could not hear,
Could not hear you call me dear.

You know I need you here,
More than I need the beer,
There is nothing worse than this fear,
The fear of not having you here.

How I wish that you can hear,
And also see my tear,
But then you are not here,
So I guess, I'll go grab a beer.

The last stanza is very clear,
That it was not for my dear,
As I know there is no fear,
If we are together forever.

~Kevin~

Breakthrough

To be or not to be? Be it or not be it? So be it? But what if being it is not really it that we think it actually is? Do and think later? Or think only do? There might be never ending thoughts to some actions. Life is always full with choices that need decisions. Make a wrong one, then you will know if it's life changing decision or path taken. Chose the right choice and you will also know if it's a life changing decision. Therefore, no matter what you do, you will not necessarily achieve what you initially aimed for. And given the vast odds and uncertainty in life, there is not much that you can speculate. Formula to decision is "Heart + Logic + Action = Consequences".
Not even an element less in that 3 will lead to anything proper.

Heart + Logic only will not lead to anything as there is no action taken.
Heart + Action will lead to irrational consequences that might end up bad.
Logic + Action will have the highest chance of getting a right decision for many things, but will you be happy with it? Or should I say, is it what you want? You might regret as well if it's not in the heart.

Always remember this formula guys =)

I had it and I blew it

I had it, and I blew it. This situation is familiar to everyone I believe. What is there that was left to talk about, to think about, to hold onto after you had said this phrase? We had already blew it. It's blown up, it's gone, and it will not be there anymore. What's left is only some scattered debris of what we had before it blew up. Pick up the pieces and reminisce about the original form of it, and think about how good it is if we had not blown it? Or, think of a way to prevent it from happening again? Usually there are this two kind of people. And I would say, I am for the latter but sometimes I am not. How about you? I had something that I really wanted to hold onto forever but I let it slipped away right before my eyes because of my ignorance that took it for granted. This lesson costs me dearly. I vowed not to repeat this same mistake again in the future. I really am keeping my heads up to not be the fool again.

Nothing can change what I want to do, except myself.

Pay It Forward

Just watched this year 2000 movie called "Pay It Forward" and i wept in the process. It's about a boy, Trevor that tries to change the world for the better with his concept of paying it forward. One will start by helping 3 person to do things that they are not capable of and then each of them will continue this deed to another 3, and the list goes on. If it goes according to plan, it will grow very large in number in a short period of time. Yes, this is an utopia situation we're talking about and seriously, I myself do not have the faith that it will success in the world and society now but I wanted to believe that there is still hope for this messed up society. It's a very inspirational movie and we can gain from it. We do not need to do what Trevor did, we can start small with the things around us. Change of perspective on things. There are a few ways to view everything. Find the best angle to see things clearly =)

Naked

I am all exposed to the environment without any cover. I am a sword out of its sheathe. I am tortoise without shell. I am, what I am because of myself. I make myself to believe in things which sometimes that will not come true. I wanted to tell myself that it will not be possible but I failed miserably always because, deep within me, I however, feels that as long as there is even the slightest hope, I will keep on believing. Stubborn? Yes, definitely but to what extent? This I cannot answer as I am totally in doubt. There are many things in life that we need to live with, and making choices and executing decisions is inevitable in this journey. Feel yourself, and you can know if your believes are there for the good or the bad. Do not hurt people, nor yourself. Find that blind spot, and you will feel euphoria.

ps: Maybe it's a little exaggerating about the euphoric feel, but you'll know it feels good in one way.

16th June 2009

Today,,,

=) Sighing is not what I should do. So I smiled instead.

Marked date it is.

May 4th 2009,

Looking back over the past few days, I am totally filled with uncertainty and dilemma deep within me. It had been 2 weeks exactly when we "officially" parted ways (where the unofficial date was 2 and a half months ago) and I thought things had been cool in me. I thought that we can be very casual but when I meet her, there was this tingling feeling inside of me bugging. I cannot stand staring into her eyes, and I also barely able to look at her for long. I can only snatch a glance at her perfect presence in front and beside of me. I was thrilled that we were able to catch up after what did happened between us. Seriously, these few days was very rewarding and excellent for me. I wanted to shout when we meet. I wanted to let her know that I really still care for her very much. I...Really wanted to tell her "I love you" and that she is so perfect. All those are from deep within my heart. What I want to do cannot be done as I know that it would hurt her and will push us further apart. Feeling is not everything. I must be rational and think about what's best for both of us. I know now is still not the time for us to proceed beyond friend (actually, I am very grateful that we can dine and chat and joke and laugh together). I know that she is not ready to accept the me now and I will work my way to be the me that is the guy for her. I can only stare from afar the beauty in her that took away part of my heart while leaving behind some clues for me to search back that piece of heart of mine. Hope that I can decipher the clues and bring happiness to her no matter in what way.

P.S: I love you.